When Kelsea asked me to write a guest post for her blog, I knew I wanted to but I wasn’t sure exactly what to say. So, I thought and prayed about it for a while; a week actually. But nothing was coming to me. Until I was listening to some praise and worship music and scrolling through Pinterest (I have a small obsession) and I saw a picture that said, “create the things that you wish existed” and while I’m sure they were using this quote in a purely artistic way, it hit me. I want to be the voice I wish I’d heard at a time when I felt unworthy and broken.
I was a young teenager who had a broken sense of self-worth due to things people had said to me and things that had happened. I was extremely aware of my imperfections and I didn’t like it. So, I started doing what I could to “fix” myself. Which meant not eating anymore and doing what I could to fit in with the other young people around me. I developed an eating disorder and along with it came a severe depression. After a while though, I lost all of the friends I had worked so hard to impress, reaffirming my belief that I was not good enough. But when I was at an all-time low, God began to show himself to me in ways He had never done before.
I’d encountered Him at church services and youth camps, but never one-on-one in the middle of the night, no altar call, no preacher, not even any music being played to “usher in His presence”.
He revealed himself to me right there in my bedroom, He didn’t need any of those things, He just needed me to acknowledge that I needed Him. When I did that, everything changed. My nights were no longer spent crying because I was broken and alone, but instead they were spent with God in the word, getting to know Him in a new way. The more time I spent with God, the more He began to restore my joy, my hope, and my self-worth.
God began to show me that our worth is not found in the amount of friends we have. It’s not found in the amount of likes on a picture on Instagram or followers on twitter. It’s not determined by our pant size, but by the price that God was willing to pay to have us reunited with Him.
My pursuit of perfection was successful. Am I perfect? No. But I discovered a personal relationship with a God who is and that’s better.